The Match Lab

How to Date a Submissive Man: 10 Tips

There are many perks to dating submissive men.

But knowing how to date a submissive man isn’t always so clear-cut.


There’s a whole psychology behind dominance and submission in relationships.

From understanding what it means to trust someone intimately and relinquish control, to navigate gender roles and explore fetishes, there’s a lot we’re about to cover in this article.

Let’s start by covering the concepts of dominance and submission in dating and sexuality.

1. Understand the Concept of Dominance and Submission

In the realm of relationships and sexuality, the concept of dominance and submission plays a big role for many people.

At their core, dominance and submission represent the dynamic between a dominant partner and a submissive partner.

This concept takes many forms, including D/s relationships, BDSM, and power exchange dynamics in sexual activities.

When entering a Dominant/submissive relationship, it’s crucial to understand the roles of the dominant and submissive partners.

As the dominant partner, you’ll take on a guiding, controlling, and protective role in the relationship.

The submissive partner willingly gives up control and submits to your authority.

Communication and negotiation are key aspects of these power exchange relationships to ensure mutual consent and understanding of boundaries.

BDSM relationships often incorporate elements of dominance and submission, along with other practices such as bondage, discipline, sadism, and masochism.

The importance of clear communication and consent are paramount within the context of a D/s or BDSM relationship. This ensures that both you and your partner maintain a safe, respectful, and pleasurable dynamic.

2. Disregard Misconceptions about Submissive Men

One common misconception about submissive men is that they have a weak ego or are insecure.

This is far from the truth.

Submission is a personal preference, not a sign of low self-esteem.

In fact, many submissive men are confident and successful in their careers and social lives.

They simply enjoy the experience of submission in their romantic relationships, and that’s all there is to it.

There’s also a common belief that submissive men are lesser or somehow degraded by their submissive preferences.

However, this should not be mistaken as a lack of masculinity or value.

Submissive men can still be strong, successful, and responsible partners who contribute positively to their relationships.

Embracing this role may actually indicate flexibility and open-mindedness, allowing them to support their partners in various ways that may be beyond the expectations of traditional male roles.

Another misconception is that submissive men are controlled by their partners, which can be a taboo in some cultures.

But this idea reflects a misunderstanding of the dynamics of a consensual Dom/sub relationship.

These relationships are built on mutual trust, communication, and negotiated boundaries.

Both parties take part in creating and maintaining a safe and enjoyable experience.

It’s not a one-sided power dynamic in which one person is dominated without their consent or desire.

3. Physical Intimacy With a Submissive Man

When dating a submissive man, you’ll notice a unique and satisfying dynamic in your physical intimacy.

Submissive men are often more attentive to your desires and preferences, making your intimate moments more fulfilling.


In terms of kissing, a submissive man may be more focused on pleasing you.

He’ll likely pay close attention to your body language and cues, making your kisses more passionate and enjoyable.

By allowing you to lead, he’ll be more in tune with your preferences, ensuring a more connected and pleasurable kissing experience.


Cuddling with a submissive man can also provide a sense of comfort and security.

He’ll be more than happy to let you take control of how you cuddle, whether you prefer to be the big spoon or the little spoon.

This dynamic allows you to feel protected and cared for, while he receives the satisfaction of knowing he’s fulfilling your needs.


Submissive men are also often open to exploring new forms of physical intimacy and sexuality.

They tend to be more receptive to your desires, which can lead to exciting and fun new experiences for both of you.

You may find that with a submissive partner, your intimate encounters become diversely engaging and empowering, as he’s willing to try new things to meet your needs.

4. Capitalize on BDSM

BDSM encompasses a variety of erotic practices involving bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism, and masochism.

In the realm of dating a submissive man, understanding the dynamics of BDSM can lead to a more fulfilling experience for both you and your partner.

Play With Power Exchange

A core aspect of BDSM is the power exchange, where individuals voluntarily relinquish control to their partners in order to explore their kink and desires.

A submissive man, for example, will follow the instructions of his dominant partner, allowing them to dictate the terms of engagement according to mutually agreed-upon boundaries and limits.

Practices within the BDSM community cater to a wide range of interests and preferences, from light bondage and teasing to more intense acts of dominance and submission.

As you explore your relationship with a submissive man, you’ll likely discover new ways to express your desires and fantasies while also learning about their preferences as well.

Prioritize Communication

In a BDSM relationship with a submissive man, communication is crucial.

Establishing clear consent, limits, and boundaries contributes to a safe and enjoyable environment for both of you.

Remember that it’s essential to be open and honest about your desires and any concerns you may have.


Being with a submissive man may introduce you to sadomasochism, which is when someone gets sexual pleasure from inflicting pain or humiliation on themselves or their partner.

Sadomasochism isn’t a necessary part of BDSM or being with a submission man.

It’s just something you can explore if you’d like.

As you and your partner navigate these dynamics, trust and mutual respect become critical factors in maintaining a healthy and fulfilling relationship.

5. The Act of Relinquishing Control

Relinquishing control is a key part of dating a submissive man.

In this type of relationship, as the dominant partner, you gain the advantage of having your partner cater to your needs and desires.

By allowing your submissive partner to relinquish control, you create a dynamic that fosters open communication and mutual respect.

A Submissive Man Relinquishing Control Creates Trust

When you cultivate a relationship with a submissive man, you encourage trust between you two.

Your partner voluntarily gives you control, which demonstrates their faith in your abilities to guide the relationship in a positive direction.

By accepting the submission, you acknowledge their trust and assume responsibility for their well-being.

This mutual understanding fosters an emotionally secure bond.

A Submissive Man Relinquishing Control Allows for Exploration 

Embracing a submissive man as your partner can also provide you with the opportunity to explore your own desires, boundaries, and fantasies without judgment or fear.

This openness is an integral part of a healthy relationship, and when nurtured, it can lead to increased intimacy and satisfaction for both parties.

Moreover, dating a submissive man can help you develop essential qualities such as adaptability, empathy, and patience.

By understanding the needs of your submissive partner, you can cultivate better communication and negotiate the terms of the relationship in a way that benefits both of you.

This mutual growth can result in a more rewarding and harmonious partnership.

6. The Importance of Trust in Submission

Trust plays a crucial role in any relationship, but it becomes even more vital in a submissive relationship.

As a dominant partner, you have your man relinquish a certain degree of power to you, making trust essential for maintaining a healthy and balanced dynamic.

The Role of Consent

Consent is the foundation of any relationship, especially in a submissive one.

It’s important for both you and your partner to have a clear understanding of each other’s boundaries, desires, and limits.

Actively and openly discussing consent enables you to establish a sense of security and mutual respect.

To ensure consent is maintained throughout the relationship, make sure to communicate regularly about your feelings and needs.

Regularly update each other about any changes in your comfort levels or personal boundaries.

A strong, trusting connection between you and your partner is vital for your relationship to thrive.

Setting Boundaries

Setting clear boundaries is essential in any relationship, but it becomes even more significant in a submissive relationship.

Boundaries help define the roles and expectations within your relationship and safeguard both you and your partner emotionally and physically.

To establish healthy boundaries, have an open conversation with your partner.

Discuss your limits, preferences, and any potential triggers. Make sure to continuously revisit the boundaries, especially after experimenting with new activities or experiences.

Remember, trust, consent, and boundaries all go hand-in-hand to create a strong foundation for a submissive relationship.

7. Exploring Fetishes When Dating a Submissive Man

If you’re dating submissive men, you’ll need to understand how fetishes and fantasies can contribute to a more fulfilling and pleasurable experience for you and your partner.

Exploring fetishes is a personal journey, so know that there’s no right or wrong way to do it.


A common fantasy shared by many is the idea of participating in a threesome.

This scenario can be especially appealing for submissive men, as it provides an opportunity to serve and be dominated by multiple partners at once.


Femdom, or female domination, is another popular fetish among submissive men.

This particular kink revolves around the power dynamic of a dominant woman taking control over her submissive male partner.

In this scenario, your focus should be on exploring ways to submit to your partner’s desires and commands while deriving pleasure from being dominated.

Other Fetishes

“Fetish” is a broad term and encompasses a wide variety of interests or attractions that are considered non-mainstream.

For submissive men, this could include anything from cross-dressing to objectification.

As you explore your own or your partner’s fetishes, it’s crucial to be nonjudgmental and supportive, encouraging open communication about desires, interests, and boundaries.

In all scenarios, prioritizing open-mindedness, pleasure, and safety are crucial for both yourself and your partner.

8. Safety Measures and Aftercare

When dating a submissive man, safety is key for both of you.

Setting a Safe Word

Establishing a safe word is crucial for any BDSM relationship.

A safe word is a pre-agreed term that can be verbal or non-verbal, and when communicated by either partner, it signals an immediate halt to the current activity.

Choosing an easy-to-remember, yet distinct safe word will guarantee clear communication between you and your partner when needed.

Open Communication About Boundaries

In addition to using a safe word, setting boundaries and discussing both your limits and those of your partner is essential.

Make sure to have open conversations about what you both feel comfortable experiencing or exploring in your relationship.

This will help build trust and maintain a strong connection.


Aftercare is another essential element in a BDSM relationship, especially when dating a submissive man.

The time spent caring for each other after engaging in BDSM activities, including cuddling, talking, or massaging, is crucial in promoting a sense of well-being and security.

Sexual aftercare can be important for both emotional and physical reasons, as it can help alleviate potential feelings of vulnerability and foster a stronger bond.


Discipline, although part of the power dynamic between a dominant and submissive partner, also has a role in safety when dating a submissive man.

Clear communication and understanding of discipline rules and expectations ensure that both parties feel secure and respected.

In a BDSM relationship, discipline relates to the structure and rules defining the roles and activities involved.

Ensure that any discipline is mutually agreed upon, harmless, and rooted in consent.

9. Dealing with Potential Risks

When dating a submissive man, you ought to be aware of the potential risks involved.

As you explore this type of relationship, keep in mind some key points to avoid harming yourself or your partner emotionally.


One possible risk to consider is the potential for exploitation.

Some people might take advantage of a submissive partner’s willingness to please, possibly leading to situations of abuse or manipulation.

To avoid this, make sure you establish clear boundaries and maintain open communication with your partner.

Discuss each other’s desires, limitations, and expectations regularly to ensure a healthy dynamic.


Another concern may be the risk of inadvertently fostering a culture of “grooming” or coercion.

While it’s crucial to nurture your partner’s submissive tendencies, be careful not to encourage an unhealthy power imbalance that can lead to feelings of dependence or coercion.

Encourage your partner to maintain his autonomy and make his own choices rather than encouraging blind obedience.

Mental Health

It’s also important to be mindful of potential mental health issues.

Many factors can contribute to a submissive personality, such as a history of physical or sexual abuse or other underlying mental health disorders.

Encourage your partner to seek therapy or counseling if you notice signs of emotional distress.

Supporting their mental health will benefit both of you in the long run.


Lastly, consent is a crucial aspect of any relationship, especially those involving power dynamics like dominant and submissive roles.

Never pressure your partner into situations they feel uncomfortable with, and be cautious of crossing their boundaries.

Remember, consent should always be enthusiastic and ongoing.

10. Tools for Dating a Submissive Man

When looking for a submissive man to date, one of the easiest and most effective ways is to utilize the right dating tools.

Here are some tips and resources to help you find the perfect submissive partner.

To target your search, consider joining online submissive dating communities or specialized dating websites.

Websites like as FetLife and AdultFriendFinder cater specifically to the BDSM and fetish community, making it more likely you will find like-minded people looking for similar dynamics.

As you’re engaging with potential partners online, remember to communicate your desires and intentions clearly and confidently.

This transparency will help you attract the right partner and efficiently create the desired dynamics.

Finally, make use of social media and online forums where submissive men and people interested in submission congregate.

Look for local groups, events, or discussion threads related to submissive dating.

These platforms provide an opportunity to interact with others, ask questions, and learn about submissive dating perspectives.

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