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The Psychology of Submissive Men


Traditionally, gender role norms say men should be dominant.

Decisive, in charge, leaders.

Yet some men are submissive — and some women like it that way.

So, what’s the psychology behind submissive men?

Understanding Submissive Men

Why Are Some Men Submissive?

Most often, men are submissive due to a desire for emotional connection, a need to relinquish control, or an intrinsic pleasure in being dominated.

Psychology Today explains that 75% of submissives say they were born that way and have always experienced pleasure from specific types of pain.

Stereotypes About Submissive Men

People often associate submissive behavior with weakness and a lack of confidence.

But that’s not necessarily the case.

Being a submissive man doesn’t necessarily mean a lack of strength or self-assuredness.

In fact, many submissive men possess a great deal of emotional resilience and inner confidence.

Being submissive as a man often comes down to personal preference, rooted in a guy’s sexuality and personality.

Submissive men can challenge stereotypes by creating safe spaces for themselves and other submissive men to engage in a supportive community to share stories, challenges, and celebrate successes.

Read: 4 Reasons Why Confidence is So Attractive

Why Some Women Like Submissive Men

Let’s explore and understand why some women are attracted to submissive men.

Higher Reproductive Success With Submissive Men

One reason might be the potential for higher reproductive success in hierarchically disparate couples, as suggested by this study.

That means that when a couple has one dominant partner and one submissive partner, they might have more success at having lots of children.

Evolutionarily, that’s a big win.

Couples with a dominant female and submissive male partner tend to have more offspring than those with equal-ranking partners.

Read: 7 Best Photos for Your Dating Profile

Emotional Benefits of Submissive Men

It’s important to consider the emotional aspect of these relationships too.

Some women might find security and satisfaction in being the dominant partner in a relationship.

This could be due to their upbringing, past experiences, or simply an intrinsic comfort with being in control.

The feeling of having a partner who willingly surrenders his power, listens well, and provides strong support can make a woman feel more confident and valued.

Enjoyment of Taking Charge

In some cases, the attraction to submissive men may be linked to an interest in BDSM activities.

As research suggests, a substantial minority of women and men fantasize about or engage in BDSM, which often involves role reversal and power dynamics.

Submissive men may be appealing to women who enjoy taking charge in the bedroom.

Read: After How Many Dates Should You Kiss?

Openness and Vulnerability of Submissive Men

Lastly, compatibility plays a crucial role in any relationship, and submissive men may make for more compatible partners because they’re more open and vulnerable.

Women who appreciate openness and clear communication might be drawn to submissive men because these individuals are more likely to be transparent about their thoughts, feelings, and desires.

Submissive men may embrace vulnerability and actively seek to please their partners, creating a healthy environment of mutual trust and support.

Read: How to Date a Submissive Man: 10 Tips

Dating as a Submissive Man

If you’re a submissive man looking to date dominant women, here are some tips to know.

Finding a Dominant Partner

Finding a compatible partner who mutually understands and desires a submissive/dominant dynamic might feel more challenging, but it’s not impossible.

Frequenting spaces that cater to the BDSM community, like online forums or local clubs, can increase your chances of meeting dominant women.

You can also explore dating websites and apps that cater to specific interests in power dynamics, such as FetLife, to expand your search.

Remember to prioritize open communication to express your interests and preferences clearly.

Read: 12 Reasons Why Some Men Are Assholes

Navigating Expectations

As a submissive man, it’s essential to establish clear boundaries and expectations in your relationship.

Talk openly with your dominant partner about the specific aspects of submission that appeal to you, as well as any limits or concerns you might have.

Understand that dominant women have varying styles and preferences, so finding common ground and alignment in complementary preferences is key to building a strong foundation for your relationship.

When navigating these expectations, it’s important to be willing to compromise, but never sacrifice your own safety and well-being.

Maintaining Emotional Intimacy

Emotional intimacy plays a significant role in any relationship, especially when exploring power dynamics.

To maintain a healthy connection in a submissive/dominant relationship, regularly communicate with your partner about your experiences and emotions.

Sharing your feelings will help cultivate a strong bond and build a deeper understanding of each other’s needs.

Additionally, consider setting aside time for non-submissive activities to create balance in your relationship and foster emotional intimacy.

Read: What Are the 5 Love Languages & What Do They Mean?

Dating a Submissive Man

Tips for Connection

When dating a submissive man, it’s essential to establish emotional connection and trust.

You can do this by being open, honest, and non-judgmental.

Communicate your desires and expectations, and encourage your partner to do the same.

Remember to be patient and understanding, as it may take time for both of you to become comfortable in your roles.

Make use of your partner’s sensitive nature to build a strong bond.

Engage in deep conversations and explore each other’s feelings, so you can understand each other’s perspectives and mindsets.

Managing Expectations When Dating a Submissive Man

It’s crucial to have clear expectations when dating a submissive man.

Misunderstandings and frustrations arise when both partners have different ideas about the relationship.

Talk about each of your views on submission and dominance and how they translate to your day-to-day lives.

Be open to adapting and finding a dynamic that suits both of your needs and preferences.

Talking about expectations early on in the relationship is better than having to deal with misunderstandings later.

Read: This is Your Love Language, According to Your Zodiac Sign

Managing Gender Roles in Sub/Dom Relationships

Navigating gender roles can be more complicated when dating a submissive man.

But it can also be more liberating and flexible.

Avoid forcing each other into stereotypical roles that may not suit your personalities or preferences.

Instead, focus on creating your own unique dynamic that makes both of you feel fulfilled and respected.

To maintain a healthy relationship, check in with each other regularly to ensure you’re both comfortable with your roles and responsibilities.

Address any concerns openly and work together to resolve them.

Read: How to Date a Submissive Man: 10 Tips

The World of BDSM & Submissive Men

Understanding Consent

In the world of BDSM, consent is paramount.

When you engage in bondage, submission, or any other kink, you and your partner must have a clear understanding of each other’s limits and preferences.

Communication is crucial.

Discuss your desires, set boundaries, and establish a safe word to stop any activity if needed.

The Importance of Trust in Submission

Trust plays a significant role in being with a submissive man.

Submissive men place their well-being in the hands of a dominant partner and trust them to respect their limits.

Building trust takes time and requires openness, communication, and compassion, allowing both partners to understand and connect with one another on a deeper level.

Submissive men should feel confident in their dominant’s ability to care for them physically and emotionally.

Read: 10 Reasons Why You Keep Having Bad First Dates

The Role of Punishments

Punishments can be an aspect of a submissive man’s experience in BDSM.

Note that punishments are not meant to harm or degrade but to enhance the power dynamic between a submissive man and his dominant partner.

The key is to negotiate and agree on any potential punishments beforehand, within the understanding that punishments are supposed to be mutually beneficial and enjoyable.

Spirituality in Submissiveness

Engaging in submissive behaviors as a man can bring humility, surrender, and service.

In many spiritual traditions, submission is seen as a pathway to personal growth and self-discovery.

By yielding to a higher power or authority figure, you create space for wisdom and guidance to enter your life.

This lets you cultivate a deeper connection with your inner self and spiritual beliefs.

One way to integrate submission into your spiritual practice is through mindfulness meditation.

By focusing on your breath and quieting your mind, you can tap into a state of surrender and trust in the present moment.

This exercise helps you strengthen your submissive mindset and develop a greater appreciation for the interconnectedness of all things.

In some spiritual practices, submission can also involve acts of service and devotion.

By engaging in selfless acts that benefit others, men can demonstrate commitment to a higher goal while also fulfilling a submissive nature.

These acts of kindness can bring a sense of purpose and spiritual fulfillment.

Read: 12 Best Hinge Profile Pictures: Tips for Photos to Use on Hinge

Frequently Asked Questions About Submissive Men

What are the common signs of a submissive man?

A submissive man may display signs such as a desire to please, a willingness to follow instructions, and an enjoyment of being controlled or directed.

Each submissive man’s preferences and behaviors can vary, so being attentive to their unique expressions of submissiveness is crucial.

How do submissive men express their needs?

Submissive men can express their needs through communication with their partners.

This may involve discussing their desires, limits, and boundaries.

Open and honest communication is key for both the submissive and dominant partners to ensure a safe and enjoyable experience.

Are there specific roles for submissive men in relationships?

Yes, there are specific roles for submissive men in relationships, depending on the preferences of the individuals involved.

Some examples include serving as a househusband or maintaining a submissive role in the bedroom.

It’s important for both partners to discuss and agree on the specific roles and expectations in their relationship.

Read: 12 Tips for Having a Great Coffee Date

How do dominant partners support submissive men?

Dominant partners can support submissive men by understanding their desires, respecting their limits, and providing guidance and structure.

Open communication and trust are crucial in establishing a strong connection between dominant and submissive partners. 

Can submissive men be empowered in their relationships?

Yes, submissive men can be empowered in their relationships by openly expressing their desires, setting boundaries, and negotiating their roles with their partners.

Empowerment and submission can definitely coexist.

Embracing his submissive nature can enhance a submissive man’s sense of self and strengthen the connection with his dominant partner, ultimately leading to a more fulfilling relationship.

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How to Date a Submissive Man: 10 Tips

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