How Often to Text After a First Date
After a good first date, the last thing you want to do is mess things up by texting too much or not enough.
A healthy amount of texting after a first date is essential for keeping the momentum going and maintaining interest so you can land a second date.
If you bombard your date with texts or if you make it seem like you’re ghosting them, then odds are they’ll lose interest in seeing you again.
So, how often should you be texting this person after a first date? The short answer:
The good news is, there isn’t a strict one-size-fits-all answer to stick to.
Every situation is unique. Some people prefer more texting, others prefer less. And sometimes there’s a lot to text about after a first date, other times there isn’t.
In general, a good rule of thumb is to wait a few hours after the date, or up to a day at most, and if the other person hasn’t texted you first, then go ahead and reach out to them.
Start by thanking them for a good time and consider expressing your interest in seeing them again if that’s your style. A good move over text at this point is to mention a memorable moment or shared interest you discovered on the first date.
Early on, keep your messages short and sweet. After that first text, you can get a sense for how long your messages should be by mirroring the length of your date’s texts.
When you’re texting someone in between the first and second dates, an ideal frequency of texting may be as low as one text every other day to as high as multiple texts every day.
If you’re texting more than once every few hours, almost at a continuous pace through the day, then that could be a sign of strong chemistry between you two. But only if it feels natural. If this amount of texting feels forced, then cut back and text less often. Forcing a high frequency of texts after the first date will only hurt you and weaken your connection.
Texting between dates is an artform, and it’s a super important one to master.
Let’s delve into why proper texting etiquette after a first date matters so much and how you can figure out what frequency of texting is ideal for you.
The Importance of Texting After a First Date
Texting Helps You Gauge and Build Chemistry
After a first date, texting comes in handy to feel out how much chemistry there is between you and your date.
In-person dates are only one aspect of modern dating. Texting is another crucial aspect, and is actually where you’ll spend most of your time.
By staying in touch with someone by texting between the first and second date, you have a key chance to determine if the initial spark you felt on the first date can develop into something more meaningful.
Send genuine and direct texts to share your thoughts about the date and keep the conversation going. Follow up on topics you talked about to get more information and feel out compatibility, as well as potential ideas for what to do on the second date.
Remember, post-date communication helps you to better understand how well you both clicked during the date and whether or not that will last and carry over into your future dates.
Texting After a Date is a Way to Express Your Feelings
It can be tough to talk about your feelings much on a first date. It might feel too soon.
Talking about your feelings after a first date, meanwhile, can be a key way to build a healthy relationship so you and your date can understanding each other’s emotions and envision a potential future together.
Texting after a first date allows you to communicate your thoughts, share your emotions, and lay the foundation for a strong and meaningful connection.
Make sure to be open, considerate, and gentle when discussing feelings, providing validation to your date’s feelings and avoiding premature excessive disclosure of your own feelings.
Show empathy, understanding, and emotional maturity in these early stages of the relationship to start things off strong.
You Can Address Signs of Awkwardness Through Texting
It’s natural to experience some awkward moments during a first date.
If an awkward moment from your first date is still on your mind, then you can text your date about it to clear the air and establish a more comfortable atmosphere going into the second date.
For example, if there was an awkward silence or a potential misunderstanding during the date, that you didn’t get to address adequately during the date, then you can briefly clarify your feelings about that over text to clarify the situation and alleviate any lingering concerns.
This may feel awkward. But by tackling these issues early on, you can foster a more relaxed and open environment for future communication and comfort.
Keep in mind that the optimal timing to send a text after the first date like this varies, but generally, you should wait at least a few hours or a day to allow time for you and your date to both reflect and process the experience.
Balancing enthusiasm with timing can make all the difference in establishing strong post-date text communication and, ultimately, plan the seed for a successful relationship.
Deciding What and When to Text
Deciding what and when to text after a first date can be nerve-wracking and confusing.
You’ll want to be caring and genuine, direct and clear, but also not too strong or intimidating.
Let’s explore some different types of texts that you can send after a first date and how to decide on the optimal timing of sending them.
The Simple Text
A simple text is usually a good and safe option if you want to acknowledge the date and express your appreciation.
Keep this text short and sweet. Just mention how much you enjoyed the date or any particular highlight from it. For example, “Had a great time last night. Loved our chat about [topic].”
The Follow-Up Text
The follow-up text takes things a step beyond the simple text.
The follow-up text is perfect if you’re looking to continue the conversation or potentially plan a second date.
Here, you want to delve into a more meaningful conversation by giving the other person something to talk about or by referencing a shared interest. You can ask a question or share a photo, GIF, news article, restaurant, or anything else that gives a tangible textworthy add-on.
Here are some examples of follow-up texts to get the conversation started after a first date:
- “Hey, I came across that article I mentioned yesterday. Sharing it here: [link]. Would love to hear your thoughts!”
- “I found this [event] happening next weekend. I thought you’d be interested since we talked about [topic] yesterday. How about we check it out together?”
Checking In By Texting After a First Date
The checking-in text is ideal if you’re genuinely concerned about how your date is doing or if they made it home safely.
This kind of text should ideally be sent within a few hours after the date to convey your thoughtfulness in a timely way and to let the other person know that you were attentive and thinking about them.
Keep it casual, with a text like, “Hey, wanted to check in and see if you got home alright.” After you send the text, be available by your phone to confirm they respond.
The Timing of Your Post-Date Text
It’s good to wait at least an hour before sending your text after a first date.
If you want to avoid appearing too eager, consider texting two to three hours after the date or even the next day.
Don’t put too much pressure on yourself on mastering the timing of when to text after a date — after all, it’s just a text message. As long as you send it within an hour and 24 hours after the date, you should be fine. Beyond that, don’t sweat it.
Factors Influencing How Often to Text After a First Date
Age definitely affects your texting frequency after a first date, as younger and older people text in very different ways.
Younger people tend to be more comfortable with texting more often after a date and in between subsequent dates, and their texting style could be faster-paced with a higher number of shorter messages.
For older people, the preference tends to lean toward fewer and more meaningful messages that run longer.
If there’s an age difference between you and the person you’re dating, it’s important to consider that and be attentive to different preferences and habits when deciding how often to text after the first date.
Every person texts differently. We each have our own quirks and style.
Your texting habits, as well as those of your date, will shape the frequency of your communication over text.
Some people just prefer short, simple texts to exchange often throughout the day, while others enjoy more in-depth conversations that may occur through just one or two texts a day.
Be mindful of your date’s texting habits, notice their preferences, and figure out a texting style that works for both of you.
Observing and respecting each other’s preferences will help you build a strong foundation for a future relationship built on good communication. This may take some adapting on your part. Welcome that adaptation.
The overall vibe and energy you two shared on your first date can influence how often you text each other afterwards.
If the date was relaxed and fun, you might feel comfortable texting more frequently to keep the momentum going. It might feel like there was natural chemistry and texting just comes more easily to you.
On the other hand, if the date was a bit awkward or tense, you may opt for less frequent texts as each text may feel more burdensome and trickier to craft.
Feel Out the Texting Energy
Pay attention to the energy you and your date each bring to your texts.
Exchanging positive and uplifting texts after your first date can help enhance the connection and invite future communication and signal a second date to come.
However, if the energy feels flat or negative, you might want to reflect on whether or not it’s worth seeing this person again. You might be compatible in person but not over text, and that’s okay. It’s just worth thinking about early on.
Dos and Don’ts of Texting After a First Date
Texting Too Soon or Too Late
While there isn’t a strict rule on when to text after a first date, waiting a few hours is a good plan.
But don’t wait more than 24 hours to text them if you really like them. After that point, you risk losing their interest or coming off as disinterested yourself.
Follow your instincts and text within 24 hours of the first date, 48 hours at the absolute most.
Compliments Over Text
After a first date, it’s normal to wonder how well the date went. Odds are, the person you went on the date with is wondering this too!
It’s important to create a feeling of security and understanding by expressing your enjoyment of the date clearly. This will help you and the other person both feel more at ease and know where you each stand.
Tell them you had fun and enjoyed their company. Give thoughtful genuine compliments but avoid coming across as overly eager or insincere.
The best kinds of compliments to text after a first date are specific and highlight what makes this person unique from anybody else.
Avoiding Overcommunication Over Text
While it’s good to convey your interest directly, you don’t want to overwhelm your date with too many text messages.
Keep the conversation short and sweet initially, letting it develop more naturally over time.
Mirror your date’s texting style, whether it’s short messages or longer responses. Find a healthy balance of how often to text between dates that works for both of you.
Be careful not to send too many messages, overly lengthy texts, or to come across as desperate and clingy.
Be confident and sincere in your post-first date texting while respecting the other person’s space and time.
Signs Your Texting Approach is Working
You’re Getting Positive Responses
When you’re trying to figure out how often to text after a first date, it’s important to be attentive to how your date is responding to you and to look for signs that your approach is, or is not, working.
One clear sign that your post-date texting is going well is that you’re receiving positive, enthusiastic responses from your date that propel the conversation forward.
If they’re engaged in the conversation and giving replies that invite follow-ups, then it’s a good sign that your texting frequency is good so far.
They Send Lengthy Texts
When someone takes the time to write lengthy and detailed responses to your texts after a first date, it means that they’re engaged in the conversation with you. It shows they’re invested in getting to know you better and sharing more about themselves.
When your texting moves beyond small talk and delves into more personal and meaningful topics, that means this person feels comfortable opening up to you. This is a positive sign that they’re developing a deeper connection with you.
If they’re giving very short responses or not asking you any questions, then that might mean they’re not vibing with your texting style. You could try texting less often or changing up what types of texts you’re sending.
They’re Initiating Text Conversations
If the other person is initiating conversations with you by sending the first text after a chat dies out, it shows that they’re interested and actively thinking about you.
It’s a clear sign that they want to keep the connection going through text between dates.
There’s Flirting Happening
If your texting after a first date involves playful banter, teasing, or flirting, then there’s almost a surefire chance this person is interested in you romantically.
It shows they’re comfortable with you and are exploring the possibility of something more intimate.
They Text You Often and Reply Promptly
If they text you often between dates and reply to your texts promptly, that means you’re a priority to them and they care about feeling connected with you.
Enjoy it, and let the conversation flow naturally.
Once you get into an organic texting flow with someone, don’t worry about how often you have to text after the first date until the second dates rolls around. Just have fun connecting and let your texting make that second date feel like it can’t happen soon enough.
How to get more first dates from dating apps
Hopefully these tips give some insights into how often to text after a first date.
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