The Match Lab

20 Tips for Texting Between Dates


Texting between dates can make or break a budding relationship.

Here’s what to text between dates so you develop chemistry instead of killing it.

20 Tips for Texting Between Dates

1. Keep Things Light

Keep the conversations light and fun, creating a positive and relaxed atmosphere free of judgment.

Between dates, early on, it’s good to maintain a lighthearted tone in your texts. This period is a time to foster connection without overwhelming the other person.

Sharing funny stories, sending memes, or asking get-to-know-you questions can be great things to text about between dates.

2. Show Genuine Interest

Show genuine interest in your date by asking them open-ended questions about their life, their day, and their interests.

While yes it’s crucial to keep things light, it’s equally important to show that you genuinely care about the other person’s life and want to get to know them.

Ask about their day, ask about something they mentioned during the date, or show curiosity about their interests.

Read: Creating Chemistry on a First Date: 7 Tips for Feeling a Spark

3. Give Space

Avoid texting your date too much or sending over lengthy texts.

Give them space and time to respond and live their life without suffocation.

As much as you might want to stay connected, remember that breathing room between dates is when attraction builds.

Texting incessantly can come off as clingy or overwhelming.

Often, waiting a bit before sending another text can help in building anticipation and ensuring that both of you have your personal space.

4. Be Playful

Lighten the mood by being playful, using humor, and sprinkling in fun and flirty emojis.

Light teasing, sharing jokes, or developing light banter can make texting fun and memorable.

Remember, texting before the next date is all about building a connection, and sometimes, a well-timed playful text can be the perfect way to bring a smile to someone’s face.

5. Use Conversation Starters

Starting a conversation with someone you’re dating over text can be tough, but it’s essential for building a connection.

To initiate a conversation so it’s set up to flow well and stay interesting, try to send some engaging conversation starters that’ll pique their interest.

Some good texting tips are to discuss common interests, reference good moments from the previous dates you’ve had with this person, reference current events, or just ask about their day and share highlights from your own day. Show genuine curiosity and listen attentively to their responses.

Read: 34 Hinge Conversation Starters and Icebreakers That Actually Work

6. Ask Open-Ended Questions

Text conversations can die out quickly when there aren’t any questions being asked or when the questions asked are ones with one-word yes/no answers.

Asking open-ended questions can help a conversation flows naturally over text and allow your date to share their feelings and experiences more openly.

Open-ended questions allow people to give you more detailed and flexible responses and lead to a stronger sense of connection. They also help promote healthy communication by taking away the pressure to provide a specific predetermined answer.

Read: New Study Reveals 110 Funny Questions to Ask on a First Date

7. Share Stories and Inside Jokes

Humans are psychologically wired to bond and connect through storytelling.

You can build connection with your date through texting by sharing stories and especially by discussing inside jokes.

By exchanging personal stories, you can create a sense of familiarity, closeness, and trust that can strengthen your bond on your next date and help your partner share their feelings more openly and vulnerably.

Be playful and use some lighthearted humor, bring up any inside jokes you’ve created together, and just have a good time. Texting your new boo should be fun!

Remember that if it’s just a few dates in, you should keep your tone and language appropriate for the current state of your relationship and avoid delving too deep or assuming a level of connection that isn’t yet there. As your relationship develops, your conversations will naturally become more intimate and meaningful.

8. Take a Creative Approach to Texting

To maintain and build chemistry between you and your date, be bold and take a creative approach when texting them.

Some ways of doing this are by incorporating your own unique sense of humor, bringing up random interesting topics, or discussing unique interests or experiences you two share.

Send your date photos, videos, GIFs, new articles, and other media that extend beyond just written text messages. It’ll liven things up.

9. Playful Teasing Over Text

Another way to maintain chemistry, passion, desire, and excitement between dates is through playful teasing.

Playful teasing is the hallmark of successful flirting.

Lightly teasing your date over text can be a fun way to demonstrate your sense of humor and build tension between you two.

When texting, use flirting techniques like incorporating winky or smirking emojis, playful GIFs, or creative banter to convey your teasing intentions and lightheartedness or sarcasm.

Remember, the goal is to develop chemistry, connection, excitement, and mutual understanding through texting between dates, while also keeping these texting interactions enjoyable, so be sure to balance teasing with genuine interest in your partner and their life.

Read: 8 Reasons Why You Should Kiss on the Second Date

10. Avoid Being Needy or Desperate

It’s important to find a balance between showing interest in your partner and not appearing too needy or desperate when texting them between dates.

Keep your messages lighthearted and fun, and be open to being vulnerable over text when it feels appropriate, but don’t overdo it with excessive texts, too many questions, or premature acts of vulnerable disclosures.

Remember, quality is more important than quantity when it comes to texting, and most real bonding in dating will still need to happen in person.

If you’re unsure how often to text between dates, watch for cues from the other person. Are they responding quickly, or are they taking their time to respond to your messages? Do they text back as long messages as you send them, or do they always respond more briefly? Follow their lead to gauge their interest and enthusiasm, and when in doubt, text in a way that mirrors their style.

11. Don’t Overwhelm with Intensity

While it’s good to show enthusiasm and maintain a vibrant connection over text, it’s also important not to overwhelm the other person with too much intensity.

In general, the deep conversations of dating should not happen over text. They should happen in person.

You should avoid having deeply emotional conversations or discussions of your future together early on over text. Instead, when texting, maintain a more casual tone, that’s lighthearted and flirty, focused on getting to know each other and just having fun as you pass the time between dates.

12. Plan the Next Date

If you’re texting between the first and second date or between the second and third date, then it can be especially important to use texting to keep the momentum going between dates and set yourself up to plan these key early dates.

When you use the texting tips outlined above, you can build anticipation and generate plenty of potential ideas for what to do on a second date or third date. The date plans can happen in an organic way that emerges from natural conversation.

Choose date activities that both of you enjoy, expressed interest in, and that allow for plenty of conversation and ideally some organic level of light physical touch.

Read: 12 Tips for Having a Great Coffee Date

Read: 9 Tips for Having a Great Mini Golf Date

Read: 12 Tips for Having a Perfect Hiking Date

13. Strike a Balance in Communication

While it’s important to stay engaged over text, make sure not to overdo it.

You don’t want to come across as needy over text.

Here are some tips for striking that balance when texting your date:

  • Reply to messages in a timely manner, but don’t feel the need to respond instantly.
  • Keep your texts positive and genuine to create a fun, relaxed, and authentic atmosphere.
  • Avoid getting too deep or too serious in your conversations, especially early on.
  • Be considerate of your date’s schedule and be understanding if they take some time to respond to you.

14. Trust in the Process

Texting between dates can be a difficult and often anxious experience.

It’s important to trust in the natural flow of conversation and understand that not every text needs to be perfectly crafted and not every text needs an immediate response (or to be responded to immediately).

It’s okay to take your time and think about what you want to say before sending or replying to a text, and it’s also okay if you and your date connect less powerfully over text than you do in person.

It’s what happens in person when you’re together that matters most. Texting is secondary.

Read: 18 Tips to Avoid Getting Friendzoned on a First Date

15. Find Your Comfort Zone

Everyone has their own unique communication style, and finding yours can help you feel less anxiety over texting.

Know whether you prefer short concise texts, or whether you’d rather send and receive longer in-depth messages. Note that this preference might differ depending on the person you’re texting.

16. Keep Expectations in Check

Don’t put too much pressure on yourself or the person you’re texting to have the perfect conversation through your phones. That’s just not a realistic expectation.

Remember that everyone has their own lives and commitments, and in fact it’s a good thing if your date isn’t tied to their phone texting away all day.

Focus on the quality of your texting exchanges and build a genuine connection.

It’s quality over quantity, hands down.

17. Limit Phone Use

Spending too much time on your phone can contribute to a feeling of anxiety over texting between dates.

Establish boundaries by setting aside designated times for checking and responding to text messages, and turning off phone notifications.

This can help manage your anxiety and deter you from constantly checking for new messages.

18. Avoid Serious Conversations Over Text

When emotions are high, it’s easy for misunderstandings to occur through text.

Texting leaves a lot out of communication, since you can’t hear tone of voice or see nonverbal cues.

If you find yourself in a situation where you’re entering a serious conversation, consider asking to postpone the conversation until you and your date can meet in person. Or have the conversation via a phone call. This can help to avoid miscommunication and ultimately strengthen your relationship overall.

19. Avoiding Being Ghosted

Ghosting is when someone abruptly cuts off all communication without any explanation.

Being ghosted can be extremely hurtful, confusing, and outright painful.

Unfortunately, ghosting does happen sometimes when people text between dates.

To avoid being ghosted:

  • Keep your text messages authentic, light, honest, and on the shorter side.
  • Respond in a timely manner but don’t feel pressured to reply immediately.
  • Avoid overwhelming the other person with too many texts or overly intense conversations early on.

If you’re considering ending communication with someone you’re dating, you should be respectful, direct, and honest about your feelings to them. If it’s only been a few dates, it’s ok to let them know over text that you wish them well but would prefer not to see them again.

20. Playing Hard to Get

Some people believe that playing hard to get is a surefire way to seem more desirable.

And sure, it might work for some period of time in some cases.

But playing hard to get over text can often backfire, as your date might see you as just not interested or as rudely unresponsive.

When texting between dates, it’s important to strike a genuine balance between showing interest and not appearing too eager.

Read: How Long Between a First and Second Date is Ideal?

You should avoid leaving your date hanging for too long before responding to them, and never ignore their texts intentionally.

And keep your texts short and sweet, but don’t come across as too aloof or disengaged.

Be genuine and clear about your intentions and to treat other people they way you would want to be treated in dating.

What Good Texting Can Achieve in Dating

The right way to text between dates is to strike a balance between staying connected, getting to know each other better, and building excitement while not coming across as overbearing, revealing too much about yourself, or miscommunicating anything.

It sure is possible to text too much or too little between dates. There’s definitely a healthy intermediate to achieve.

Establishing Communication

When done well, texting can be a huge asset that sets the stage for successful communication early on in a new relationship.

Texting thoughtfully can show the person you’re dating that you’re responsive and can communicate maturely and clearly, while also allowing some space for interest, intrigue, and anticipation to build.

Showing Attentiveness

High-quality texting with someone you’re dating isn’t just about the quantity of texts you each send — it’s also about the quality of what you’re texting each other.

It’s about what topics you’re discussing, what words you use, how you structure your sentences, how well you listen, and much more.

These details show your attentiveness and effort.

Listening Skills

Being a good listener and paying attention to the little details your partner mentions can go a long way toward successful texting and connection that you can carry with you into the next date.

When you have engaging and meaningful conversations over text between dates, you’ll both stay interested and excited to see one another in person.

Building Rapport

Texting builds rapport between you and your partner. By exchanging thoughtful messages, you get to know each other’s tastes, interests, values, lifestyles, and views, making it easier to connect on a deeper level.

Read: Which is the Best First Date? Coffee vs Drinks vs Dinner

Keeping the Spark Alive

Texting between dates is so important because it keeps the conversation going when you’re not physically together.

Maintaining communication between dates keeps the spark alive, fosters a feeling of closeness, and builds healthy tension.

This purpose of texting is especially crucial between the first and second date. A lack of communication during this early time in the relationship could cause one or both people to lose interest, limiting the chances of having a successful second date.

Gauging Their Interest

Texting can also be a way to feel out the other person’s level of interest in you.

Through texting, you can notice their level of enthusiasm, responsiveness, and engagement. If they reply within a reasonable timeframe and ask questions that keep the conversation going further, it’s likely that they’re genuinely interested in you.

Read: 13 Signs There Will Be a Second Date

Texting between dates can also help ease anxiety that a lot of people may feel when there’s a lack of communication between dates.

The uncertainty that comes with waiting for a reply or from waiting for the next date to arrive can cause stress. Regular communication can help in this regard by maintaining an open line of communication and contact.

How to get more first dates from dating apps

Hopefully these tips give some insights into best practices for texting between dates.

If you’re on dating apps and want to improve your dating profile so you land more first dates, we have you covered.

We at The Match Lab offer professional services to create dating profiles that attract high-quality matches.

If you’d like to find out which are your most attractive photos to use in your dating profile, give our dating photo analyzer a try. Just upload some photos of yourself, and our algorithm will reveal which photos you should be using in your profile and the ideal order they should go in.

If you’re looking for help with writing your dating profile, then check out our professional dating profile writing service.

Related articles:

10 Reasons Why You Keep Having Bad First Dates

5 Signs of Chemistry on a First Date: How to Know It Went Well

After How Many Dates Should You Kiss?

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