30 Best Turtle Jokes
What do you call a turtle who tries to beat a rabbit in a race?
Optimistic.
Why are turtles great in bed?
They always finish last.
Why don’t turtles like fast food?
Because they can’t catch it!
What do you get when you cross a turtle and a porcupine?
A slowpoke.
Why did the turtle break up with her boyfriend?
He just couldn’t come out of his shell.
What do you call a turtle who takes up photography?
A snapping turtle.
Why did the turtle cross the road?
To get to the shell station.
Why do turtles never forget?
Because they have turtle recall.
How do turtles communicate?
With shell phones.
Why don’t turtles like to go to therapy?
They prefer to keep things shelled up.
Why did the turtle get a promotion at work?
He was out-shell-ing all his coworkers.
What do turtles eat for breakfast?
Slow-cooked oats.
What do you call a turtle that’s an expert in karate?
A ninja turtle.
What’s a turtle’s favorite type of pasta?
Tortellini.
Why did the turtle become a detective?
He was good at cracking cases.
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What’s a turtle’s favorite type of coffee?
Slow-roast.
How do turtles celebrate their birthdays?
They shell-abrate.
Why don’t turtles make good thieves?
They take too long to make a getaway.
What’s a turtle’s favorite room in the house?
The bomb shell-ter.
Why did the turtle take up meditation?
To learn how to speed up.
Why don’t turtles like fast music?
They prefer slow jams.
What’s a turtle’s favorite TV show?
Shell’s Kitchen.
Which turtle starred in Rocky?
Shell-vester Stallone.
Why did the turtle become a spokesperson for a sloth club?
Because it’s an expert in slow motion.
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Why did the turtle bring a parachute?
In case it falls off a cliff and can’t stick out its tongue to break the fall.
Why did the turtle start a comedy club?
Because it wanted to shell out some jokes!
Why do turtles love pandemics?
They’re great at shell-tering at home.
What’s a turtle’s favorite song?
“The Long and Winding Road.”
Why don’t turtles like to argue?
They don’t want to snap.
What do you call a sea turtle that flies?
A shell-icopter!
Why did the turtle cross the road?
To get in his exercise for the day.
Where do homeless turtles go?
To the shell-ter.
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