40 Best Turtle Jokes

What do you call a turtle who tries to beat a rabbit in a race? Optimistic.

What do you call a turtle who takes up photography? A snapping turtle.

Why don’t turtles like fast food? Because they can’t catch it!

What do you get when you cross a turtle and a porcupine? A slowpoke.

Why are turtles great in bed? They always finish last.

Why did the turtle break up with her boyfriend? He just couldn’t come out of his shell.

Why don’t turtles like to go to therapy? They prefer to keep things shelled up.

Why do turtles love pandemics? They’re great at shell-tering at home.

How do turtles celebrate their birthdays? They shell-abrate.

Why did the turtle cross the road? To get in his exercise for the day.

What does a turtle used to take photos of herself? A shellfie stick.

Why did the turtle take up meditation? To learn how to speed up.

Why did the turtle cross the road? To get to the shell station.

How do turtles communicate? With shell phones.

What’s a turtle’s favorite type of pasta? Tortellini.

Why is a turtle a great prom date? They’re great at slow dancing.

What’s a turtle’s favorite TV show? Shell’s Kitchen.

What do turtles eat for breakfast? Slow-cooked oats.

Why did the turtle get a promotion at work? He was out-shell-ing all his coworkers.

Why don’t turtles like to argue? They don’t want to snap.

What’s a turtle’s favorite instrument? The shell-o.

What do you call a turtle that’s an expert in karate? A ninja turtle.

Why don’t turtles like fast music? They prefer slow jams.

Why did the turtle become a chef? He was great at slow cooking.

Which turtle starred in Rocky? Shell-vester Stallone.

Why did the turtle become a detective? He was good at cracking cases.

What’s a turtle’s favorite type of coffee? Slow-roast.

What’s a turtle’s favorite song? “The Long and Winding Road.”

Why don’t turtles make good thieves? They take too long to make a getaway.

What’s a turtle’s favorite room in the house? The bomb shell-ter.

The Match Lab