40 Best Little Johnny Jokes
Little Johnny’s teacher asks, “If I have five bottles in one hand and six in the other hand, what do I have?” Little Johnny answers, “A drinking problem.”
Little Johnny is asked by his teacher, “Johnny, why is your cat at school today?” Little Johnny replies, “Because I heard my daddy say to my mommy, ‘I am going to eat that p***y when the kids leave for school today!'”
The teacher asks, “What is the chemical formula for water?” Little Johnny responds, “H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O.” The teacher asks, “What are you talking about?” Little Johnny replies, “Yesterday you said it’s H to O.”
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Little Johnny’s mom asks, “Why are your grades so low?” Little Johnny responds, “Because of absence.” His mom asks, “Who is absent, you or the teacher?” Little Johnny replies, “Neither, it’s the kid who sits next to me who knows all the answers.”
Little Johnny’s teacher asks, “Johnny, why are you late?” Johnny responds, “Because of the sign.” The teacher asks, “What sign?” Johnny replies, “The one that says, ‘School Ahead, Go Slow.'”
Little Johnny’s teacher asks, “Johnny, can you tell me what a plateau is?” Little Johnny responds, “It’s the highest form of flattery.”
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Little Johnny’s teacher asks, “What is the opposite of ‘minimum’?” Little Johnny answers, “Minidad.”
Little Johnny’s teacher asks, “Johnny, can you tell me the name of 3 great kings who have brought happiness and peace into people’s lives?” Little Johnny answered, “Drin-king, smo-king, and fuc-king.”
The teacher asks Little Johnny, “If you have 10 chocolate bars and someone asks for 2, how many do you have left?” Little Johnny replies, “10.”
Little Johnny’s teacher asks, “Johnny, your composition on ‘My Dog’ is exactly the same as your brother’s. Did you copy his?” Little Johnny replies, “No, ma’am, it’s the same dog.”
Little Johnny’s teacher asks, “How can you prove the earth is round?” Little Johnny replies, “I can’t. Besides, I never said it was.”
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Little Johnny’s teacher asks, “Can anyone tell me what ‘independent’ means?” Little Johnny raises his hand and says, “It means you don’t need no man to do nothing for you!”
Little Johnny’s teacher asks, “What is the past tense of ‘think’?” Little Johnny answers, “Thunk.”
Little Johnny’s teacher asks, “What is the capital of France?” Little Johnny answers, “F!”
Little Johnny’s teacher asks, “If I gave you two cats, and another two cats, and another two, how many would you have?” Little Johnny replies, “Seven!” The teacher asks, “How do you figure that?” Little Johnny says, “Well, I already have a cat!”
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Little Johnny’s teacher asks, “Can you name a famous explorer?” Little Johnny responds, “Dora!”
Little Johnny’s teacher asks, “What do you get when you cross a sheep and a kangaroo?” Little Johnny answers, “A woolly jumper.”
Little Johnny’s teacher asks, “What’s the difference between ‘can’ and ‘may’?” Little Johnny answers, “Well, you can go to the bathroom, but you may not come back.”
Little Johnny’s teacher asks, “Johnny, can you name one compound?” Little Johnny responds, “Sure, my backyard!”
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Little Johnny’s teacher asks, “Johnny, why do you always get so dirty?” Little Johnny replies, “Well, I’m a lot closer to the ground than you are.”
Little Johnny’s teacher asks, “What is the future tense of ‘I give’?” Little Johnny answers, “I take.”
Little Johnny’s teacher asks, “Can you use ‘defeat,’ ‘defense,’ and ‘detail’ in a sentence?” Little Johnny responds, “De feet of de cat went over de fence before de tail.”
Little Johnny’s teacher asks, “If ‘H2O’ is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?” Little Johnny answers, “H2O cubed.”
Little Johnny’s teacher asks, “What is a synonym?” Little Johnny answers, “A synonym is a word you use when you can’t spell the other word.”
Little Johnny’s teacher asks, “If I have ten apples in one hand and fifteen apples in the other hand, what do I have?” Little Johnny answers, “Big hands.”
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Little Johnny’s teacher asks, “What is the chemical formula for barium?” Little Johnny responds, “Ba.”
Little Johnny’s teacher asks, “What do you call a fish with no eyes?” Little Johnny answers, “Fsh.”
Little Johnny’s teacher asks, “What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?” Little Johnny answers, “Frostbite.”
Little Johnny’s teacher asks, “Why do we never tell secrets on a farm?” Little Johnny replies, “Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears.”
Little Johnny’s teacher asks, “Johnny, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?” Johnny: “You told me to do it without using tables!”
Little Johnny’s teacher writes on the blackboard: “I ain’t had no fun in months.” Then asked the class, “How should I correct this sentence?” Little Johnny raised his hand and replied, “Get yourself a new boyfriend.”
