30 Best Little Johnny Jokes
Teacher: “Can I be punished for something I haven’t done?”
Little Johnny: “Of course not!”
Little Johnny: “That’s good because I haven’t done my homework.”
Teacher: “What is the chemical formula for water?”
Little Johnny: “H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O!”
Teacher: “What are you talking about?”
Little Johnny: “You said it’s H to O!”
Teacher: “Why are you late again?”
Little Johnny: “I overslept, but I dreamt I was early!”
Teacher: “Where’s your homework?”
Little Johnny: “I don’t have it. My friend borrowed it to scare his parents.”
Teacher: “How far have you gone with your homework?”
Little Johnny: “About 8 kilometers, miss. I took it home and brought it back.”
Teacher: “What do you want to be when you grow up?”
Little Johnny: “I want to follow in my father’s footsteps and be a policeman.”
Teacher: “I didn’t know your father was a policeman.”
Little Johnny: “He isn’t. He’s a burglar.”
Teacher: “Why is it important to be quiet in church?”
Little Johnny: “So we don’t wake up the people sleeping.”
Teacher: “If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have?”
Little Johnny: “One dollar.”
Teacher: “You don’t know your arithmetic.”
Little Johnny: “You don’t know my father!”
Teacher: “Does anybody know what we call a person who keeps talking when nobody else is interested?”
Little Johnny: “A teacher.”
Teacher: “What do you want to be when you grow up, Johnny?”
Little Johnny: “I want to be a billionaire, just like my dad!”
Teacher: “Your dad is a billionaire?”
Little Johnny: “No, but he wants to be one too!”
Read: 50 Best Deez Nuts Jokes
Teacher: “Johnny, I told you to write out this poem at least ten times to improve your handwriting. You’ve done it only eight times.”
Little Johnny: “Looks like my counting isn’t too good either.”
Teacher: “If you got ten dollars from ten people, what would you have?”
Little Johnny: “A new bike.”
Teacher: “Where’s the English Channel?”
Little Johnny: “I don’t know. My television doesn’t pick it up.”
Teacher: “Johnny, your essay on ‘My Dog’ is exactly the same as your sister’s. Did you copy hers?”
Little Johnny: “No, teacher, it’s the same dog!”
Little Johnny: “Mom, you know that lovely vase in the dining room that’s been handed down from generation to generation?”
Mom: “Yes. What about it?”
Little Johnny: “Well, the last generation just dropped it.”
Teacher: “Johnny, I hope I didn’t see you looking at Tommy’s test paper.”
Little Johnny: “I hope you didn’t see me either.”
Teacher: “How do you spell ‘Elephant’?”
Little Johnny: “E-L-E-F-A-N-T.”
Teacher: “That’s wrong.”
Little Johnny: “It may be wrong, but that’s how I spell it.”
Teacher: “Johnny, can you use the word ‘definitely’ in a sentence?”
Little Johnny: “Yes, teacher. Do farts have lumps in them?”
Teacher: “No, Johnny.”
Little Johnny: “Then I’ve definitely shat myself.”
Teacher: “Johnny, you know you can’t sleep in my class.”
Little Johnny: “I know, miss. But maybe if you were a little quieter, I could.”
Little Johnny: “Dad, can you help me with my math homework?”
Dad: “Sure, son. What’s the problem?”
Little Johnny: “If a hen and a half can lay an egg and a half in a day and a half, how long would it take a monkey with a wooden leg to kick the seeds out of a dill pickle?”
Little Johnny: “Dad, can I have $20?”
Dad: “Money doesn’t grow on trees, son.”
Little Johnny: “But grandpa said you were branching out!”
Teacher: “Why did you bring a ladder to the zoo, Johnny?”
Little Johnny: “Because I heard the giraffes were giving out high-fives!”
Little Johnny: “Mom, can I have $20 for a face mask?”
Mom: “What happened to the $50 you got yesterday?”
Little Johnny: “It was a really good face mask!”
Teacher: “Who is our Lord and Savior?”
Little April: (sleeps)
Little Johnny: (jabs her with a pin)
Little April: “JESUS CHRIST!”
Teacher: “Very good.”
Teacher: “Can you name one important thing that didn’t exist 100 years ago?”
Little Johnny: “Me!”
Teacher: “What tense is ‘I AM BEAUTIFUL’?”
Little Johnny: “Clearly, past tense.”
Little Johnny: “Mom, can I get a dog at Christmas?”
Mom: “No, you’ll be getting turkey, like everyone else!”
Teacher: “Johnny, do you pray before every meal?”
Little Johnny: “No, miss. My mother is a really good cook.”
Teacher: “What’s the difference between a cat and a comma?”
Little Johnny: “A cat has claws at the end of its paws, and a comma is a pause at the end of a clause.”
Teacher: “Why did the boy eat his homework?”
Little Johnny: “Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!”
Little Johnny: “Mom, can I have a snack?”
Mom: “No, you just had one.”
Little Johnny: “Well, I’m still hungry.”
Teacher: “Where’s the Great Wall of China?”
Little Johnny: “Around the Great House of China!”
Teacher: “How do you know the earth is round?”
Little Johnny: “Because if it were flat, people would be falling off the edges!”
Little Johnny: “Why did the astronaut bring a pencil to the moon?”
Teacher: “Why, Johnny?”
Little Johnny: “Because he wanted to draw the moon closer!”
Teacher: “If I have five bottles in one hand and six in the other hand, what do I have?”
Little Johnny: “A drinking problem.”
Teacher: “If I gave you two cats, and another two cats, and another two, how many would you have?”
Little Johnny: “Seven!”
Teacher: “How do you figure that?”
Little Johnny: “Well, I already have a cat!”
Teacher: “Can you use ‘defeat,’ ‘defense,’ and ‘detail’ in a sentence?”
Little Johnny: “De feet of de cat went over de fence before de tail.”
Teacher: “If I have ten apples in one hand and fifteen apples in the other hand, what do I have?”
Little Johnny: “Big hands.”