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101 Best Dirty Pick Up Lines

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Best Dirty Pick Up Lines

“If we were squirrels, would you help me bust a nut?”

“That shirt’s very becoming on you. If I were on you, I’d be coming too.”

“Can I buy you a drink? I’d like to see how good you are at swallowing.”

“Are you an elevator? Because I’ll call you up and then go down on you.”

“F, C, K are my favorite letters in the alphabet. Guess what else I need?”

“Call me baby, because I want to be inside you for at least 9 months.”

“Is your name Jingle Bells? Because you look like you go all the way.”

“If I were a candle on a birthday cake, I’d make a wish for you to blow me out.”

“I’m not a horse, but you can ride me any time.”

“What handcuff size are you?”

“I wish I was your phone, so you’d be on me all day.”

“What’s your name? I need to know what I’ll be screaming tonight.”

“My underwear matches my socks… and I’m not wearing any socks.”

Read: 100 Best Pick Up Lines of All Time

“Are you a light switch? Because you turn me on.”

“Are you a magician? Because whenever I look at you, clothes disappear.”

“If you were a day of the week, you’d be Friday – because I always look forward to you coming.”

“If I were Christopher Columbus, I’d explore every inch of you.”

“Do you like wrestling? Because I wouldn’t mind going a few rounds with you.”

“I’m not feeling myself today. Can I feel you instead?”

“I’m not a tailor, but I can see how your birthday suit fits.”

“I’ll flip a coin…whichever side it lands on is what you’ll get tonight.”

“Are you a piece of art? Because I’d like to nail you against the wall.”

“If you were a baseball and I were a bat, would you let me hit that?”

“I don’t do yoga but I’d downward dog with you.”

Read: 86 Dirty Rizz Lines [Use with Caution]

Funny Dirty Pick Up Lines

“Are you my pinky toe? Because you’re little, you’re cute, and I know I’m gonna bang you on the coffee table later.”

“Let’s play Titanic. You’ll be the iceberg and I’ll go down.”

“Are you an antiquer? Cause I have some junk that hasn’t been touched in years.”

“Are you butt-dialing me? Because I swear that ass is calling me.”

“I’m not a sex-ed teacher, but I can still give you a lesson or two.”

“You must work at Subway. Because you’re giving me a foot long.”

“Are you a golf course? Because you’ve got all the right holes.”

“As long as I have a face, you’ll have a place to sit.”

“Is your name Nike? Because you’ve got ‘just do it’ written all over you.”

“Are you a canvas? Because I’d love to brush up against you.”

Read: 11 Best Tinder Pictures to Get More Likes

“If you were feeling down, I’d be more than happy to help and feel you up.”

“Are you a donkey? Because you’ve got a great ass.”

“I could be your numerator, because I like to be on top.”

“I love your clothes, they match perfectly with my bedsheets.”

“I can’t find my Uber – can I ride you instead?”

“If you were a steering wheel, I’d hold you at 6 and 9.”

“I would absolutely love to swap bodily fluids with you.”

“Your ass is so sweet, it’s like you just sat in sugar.”

“What time do you get off? Can I watch?”

“Let only latex stand between us.”

“I know a way we can convert our bodies’ potential energy into kinetic energy.”

“Can I be your yoga mat? Because I really want you on top of me, showing me how flexible you are.”

Read: 120 Funniest Pick Up Lines of All Time

Dirty Pick Up Lines for Him

“If I’d known I’d be getting this wet tonight, I would’ve worn my bikini.”

“Can you poke my belly button…from the inside?”

“If I told you I worked for UPS, would you let me handle your package?”

“If you were a balloon, I’d blow you til you pop.”

“Are you a firefighter? Because you found me hot and left me wet.”

“Do you like to garden? Because you could plant a seed in me any day.”

“Is that a lightsaber in your pants or are you just excited to see me?”

“Call me dishes, because I want you to get me wet then do me.”

“Are you claustrophobic? Because I’ll be wrapping my thighs around your face tonight.”

“Are you a convertible? Because you’re making my top come down.”

“Do you play football? Because you’ve got a tight end.”

Read: 4 Reasons Why Confidence is So Attractive

“Even if I were a vegan, I’d still want your meat.”

“Are you a birthday cake? Because I want a piece of that.”

“Are you Milgram? Because I can’t wait to be your obedient subject.”

“If you were a car door, I’d slam you all night long.”

“I know you’re not a dentist, but I have an opening you can fill.”

“They say a beard is a good scratcher, and I have an itch down there. Can you help?”

“My doctor said I have a vitamin deficiency. Can you give me some of your Vitamin D?”

“I’d like to think of myself as the reverse of your mother… you slid out of her, but you’ll slide inside of me.”

“I should call you Santa – because you’ll be sliding down my chimney tonight.”

“I have a cat that needs to be examined. Be my vet tonight?”

“Do you usually let girls finish first?”

Read: 54 Dirty Pick Up Lines for Him

Dirty Pick Up Lines for Her

“Are you a computer? Because you make my software turn into hardware.”

“If I make a spice joke, will you let me cumin you?”

“Are you a haunted house? Because I’d scream every time I’m inside you.”

“If you jingle my bells, I promise you a white Christmas.”

“Your legs might not be children, but I’d still like to raise them.”

“If you were the Titanic, I’d come on board just so I could go down on you.”

“I wish I was your calculus homework, because then I’d be hard and you’d be doing me on your desk.”

“I’m not Luke’s father, but I can be your daddy.”

“My couch pulls out but I don’t.”

“I’m really jealous of your heart – because it’s pounding inside of you right now and I’m not.”

“Sit on my face, and I’ll eat my way to your heart.”

“If I were a cat, I’d spend all 9 of my lives licking you.”

“You’re the only port I want to dock my boat in.”

Read: 38 Funny Tinder Openers That Actually Get Responses

“Are you a paleontologist? Because I have a large bone that needs examining.”

“If you were a Christmas stocking, I’d fill you up.”

“Do you work at the post office? Because I saw you checking out my package.”

“I can’t find my treasure anywhere. Can I search your chest and see if it’s there?”

“I must be a diamond now, because you just gave me a hardness of 10.”

“Your cleavage just broke my Mohs hardness scale.”

“Can I call you Medusa? Because the minute you look at me, I get rock hard.”

“Do you want to sign for my package, or should I just slip it in your box?”

“Can you do telekinesis? Because you’ve made a part of me move without even touching it.”

“Lie down on that couch and pretend your legs hate each other.”

Read: How to Rizz a Girl Up: 6 Easy Steps

Dirty Pick Up Lines to Use on a Girl Over Text

“What time do your legs open? I don’t want to be late.”

“If I flip a coin, what are my chances of getting head?”

“If we were Pokemon trainers, would you let me Squirtle on your Jiggleypuffs?”

“If it’s true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by tonight.”

“You make me feel like the Hulk; because when I see you, all I want to do is smash.”

“If kisses were snowflakes, I’d send you a full-body snowstorm tonight.”

“I’m no cowboy, but I’m pretty good with a rope.”

“According to my weather app, there’s a 95% chance of you getting 6 inches tonight.”

“Unlike Han Solo, I won’t shoot first.”

“Girl, are you an iceberg? Because you’re making me want to go down like the Titanic.”

Read: 34 Hinge Conversation Starters and Icebreakers That Actually Work

Dirty Pick Up Lines to Use on a Guy Over Text

“Are you a sea lion? Because I can see you lion in my bed tonight.”

“If you were a surfboard, I’d ride you all day long.”

“Are you a scoop of ice cream? Because you make me want to spoon.”

“I’m not Santa, but I can make all your wishes come true. Just tell me how naughty you really are.”

“If you were a car horn, I’d honk you all night long.”

“There are 206 bones in the human body, but I’d really like to have 207 tonight.”

Read: 20 Best Rizz Lines to Use Over Text

Best Dirty Pick Up Lines for Tinder

“Want to try to have an abortion while it’s still legal?”

“Is there a mirror in your pocket? Because I can see myself in your pants.”

“Can I buy you a drink? I’d like to see how good you are at swallowing.”

“I’m not a doctor, but I could give you a physical.”

“I’m not a pilot, but I’d like to take you for a spin in my cockpit.”

“If I were an enzyme, I’d be DNA helicase so I could unzip your genes.”

“I may like Ronaldo, but that doesn’t stop me from getting Messi.”

“I’m no vampire but I’m fine with getting no sleep and biting your neck all night.”

“Are you a plumber? Because I have a pipe that needs to be unblocked.”

“Are you made of nickel, cerium, arsenic, and sulfur? Because you’ve got a NiCe AsS.”

More Great Pick Up Lines:

Read: 54 Best Hinge Pickup Lines

Read: 26 Best Rizz Pick Up Lines

Read: 101 Best Pick Up Lines for Flirting

Read: 55 Pick Up Lines That Might Actually Work

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