The Match Lab

25 Best Nut Jokes


Why do nuts make terrible politicians? They always crack under pressure.

Which type of nut wears a bra? A chestnut.

Which type of nut is the unhealthiest? Donuts.

What type of cup do peanuts drink out of? Peanut butter cups.

Why are pistachios such good reporters? They give you the news in a nutshell.

Read: 50 Best Deez Nuts Jokes

Which nut conquered a whole nation? The Brazil nut.

What’s a nut’s favorite date night? Nut-flix and chill.

What’s a nut’s least favorite month? No Nut November.

How do you make a nut laugh? Crack it up.

How do nuts say goodbye to each other? “Cashew later.”

Read: 35 Best Banana Jokes

What did the nut say when it sneezed? “Cashewww!”

What kind of nut is always lost? A pecan, because it’s always pecan around for something.

Why do nuts do well in math class? They’re great at crunching numbers.

What do you call a lazy pecan? A procrasti-nutter.

Why did the peanut go to therapy? To get out of its shell.

Read: 40 Savage ‘You’re So Ugly…’ Jokes

Why was the peanut always calm? Because nothing ever cracked him.

Why did the nut stop telling jokes? It was afraid of cracking up.

Why did the nut become a detective? Because he could crack any case.

Where do nuts fuel up on gas? The Shell Station.

Why don’t walnuts ever get lonely? Because they come in pairs.

Read: 30 Best Rizz Jokes

What do you call a peanut in a spacesuit? An astro-nut.

Why did the nut go out with a prune? Because it couldn’t find a date.

How do peanuts stay in shape? They do daily crunches.

Why don’t peanuts ever start arguments? Because they’re too afraid of being roasted.

Read: 20 Best Mushroom Jokes

Recent Posts