50 Nut Jokes That'll Crack a Laugh
Why did the nut go to space?
To become an astro-nut.
Why do nuts make terrible politicians?
They always crack under pressure.
Why do squirrels swim on their backs?
To keep their nuts dry.
Why do nuts make terrible comedians?
They always crack up before the punchline.
What do you say when a nut sneezes?
Cashewww!
What did the nut say when chasing the other nut?
I’m a cashew.
What’s a nut’s favorite date night?
Nut-flix and chill.
How do nuts say goodbye?
Cashew later!
Why are pistachios such good reporters?
They give you the news in a nutshell.
What did the bread say to the peanut butter?
I think you’re nuts.
What kind of nut is always lost?
A pecan, because it’s always pecan around for something.
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What kind of nut wears a bra?
A chestnut.
Why did the peanut get promoted?
It was outstanding in its field.
Why don’t peanuts ever start arguments?
Because they’re too afraid of being roasted.
What’s the most disgusting type of nut?
The cash-ew.
Why did the nut go to therapy?
To get out of its shell.
How do you make a nut laugh?
Crack it up.
Why did the nut go to the party?
To get a little nutty.
Why did the peanut go out with a prune?
Because it couldn’t find a date.
What do you call a lazy pecan?
A procrasti-nutter.
Why did the walnut open a store?
It was a cracking success.
Why was the peanut always calm?
Because nothing ever cracked him.
What’s a nut’s least favorite month?
No Nut November.
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Why couldn’t the squirrel eat the macadamia nut?
It was one tough nut to crack.
What’s the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?
Beer nuts cost about $5 a bag, and Deer nuts are just under a buck.
Why did the peanut go to the psychiatrist?
It felt cracked.
Why don’t walnuts ever get lonely?
Because they come in pairs.
What did the angry nut say to the other nut?
“Cashew outside, how ’bout dat?”
How do peanuts stay in shape?
They do daily crunches.
What type of cup do peanuts drink out of?
Peanut butter cups.
Why did the nut become a detective?
Because he could crack any case.
Why was the nut job application rejected?
It was too nutty.
How do you get a squirrel to like you?
Act like a nut.
What’s a nut’s favorite type of music?
Shell rock.
Why was the cashew tree on her last nerve?
Because every one of her kids were nuts.
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What’s a nut’s least favorite weather?
A shell-storm.
Where do nuts fuel up on gas?
The Shell Station.
Why do nuts do well in math class?
They’re great at crunching numbers.
What do squirrels watch on TV?
Nut-flix.
What’s the most common name for female peanuts?
Michelle.
What nuts can you wear on your feet?
A pair of cashews.
Why did the nut take a vacation?
To find its inner shell.
Why don’t peanuts get into arguments?
They’re too afraid of being roasted.
Why did the nut stop telling jokes?
It was afraid of cracking up.
Why was the peanut upset with his friends?
They roasted him too hard.
Why do nuts make good friends?
They always stick together.
Why did the almond go to the psychiatrist?
It felt cracked.