50 Clever ‘What’s the Difference Between…’ Jokes

What’s the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
Snowballs.
What’s the difference between a talking politician and a pencil?
The pencil has a point.
What’s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?
The lawyer charges more.
What’s the difference between a jeweler and a jailer?
One sells watches, and the other watches cells.
What’s the difference between a lawyer and a liar?
The pronunciation.
What’s the difference between Iron Man and Aluminum Man?
Iron Man stops the bad guy; Aluminum Man foils their plans.
What’s the difference between a musician and a large pizza?
A large pizza can feed a family of four.
What’s the difference between a broken clock and the TV weather reporter?
A broken clock is still right twice a day.
What’s the difference between a teacher and a train?
A teacher says, “Spit out your gum,” and a train says, “Chew, chew!”
What’s the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector?
The taxidermist takes only your skin.
What’s the difference between a philosopher and an astronaut?
One wonders about the universe, and the other wanders about it.
What’s the difference between a golfer and a skydiver?
A golfer goes whack then says “Darn!” and a skydiver says “Darn!” and then goes whack.
What’s the difference between a cat and a comma?
One has claws at the end of its paws, and the other has a pause at the end of its clause.
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What’s the difference between a good idea and a bad idea?
A few drinks.
What’s the difference between a greedy person and a shrimp?
One is selfish, the other is shellfish.
What’s the difference between a pencil and someone you’re arguing with?
The pencil has a point.
What’s the difference between apathy and empathy?
I don’t know and I don’t care.
What’s the difference between unlawful and illegal?
One is against the law; the other is a sick bird.
What’s the difference between a piano and a tuna?
You can tuna piano, but you can’t piano a tuna.
What’s the difference between a wizard and a spelling bee?
One conjures spells, and the other spells conjure.
What’s the difference between a well-dressed man on a bicycle and a poorly dressed man on a unicycle?
Attire.
What’s the difference between a violin and a viola?
A violin burns faster.
What’s the difference between ignorance and apathy?
I don’t know and I don’t care.
What’s the difference between a bookkeeper and a librarian?
One keeps the books, and the other keeps them in order.
What’s the difference between a drummer and a librarian?
One keeps a beat, the other beats a keep.
What’s the difference between a photographer and a forger?
One makes negatives, and the other fakes positives.
What’s the difference between a conman and a cat?
One purrs while trying to scratch you; the other scratches you while trying to purr.
What’s the difference between a spring roll and a summer roll?
The seasoning.
What’s the difference between a marriage and a mental hospital?
At a mental hospital, you have to show improvement to get out.
What’s the difference between a Christmas tree and a man?
A Christmas tree stays up longer.
What’s the difference between $5 roses and $55 roses?
February 14th.
What’s the difference between mitosis and escaping prison?
Nothing. They both require splitting from cells.
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What’s the difference between a Christmas tree and a politician?
The Christmas tree has lights on it.
What’s the difference between a guy and a computer?
You only have to tell the computer once.
What’s the difference between a golfer and a skydiver?
A golfer yells “Fore!” before they hit the ground.
What’s the difference between cake and pie?
Pi is r²; cakes are round.
What’s the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi?
People in Dubai don’t like The Flintstones, but people in Abu Dhabi doooo.
What’s the difference between a teacher and a cynic?
A teacher answers your questions; a cynic questions your answers.
What’s the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?
One’s a bottom-dwelling scum sucker, the other’s just a fish.
What’s the difference between a chef and a chemist?
One cooks up dishes, and the other dishes up reactions.
What’s the difference between a comedian and a funny drug dealer?
One cracks jokes, and the other jokes about crack.
What’s the difference between a baker and a banker?
One rolls dough, and the other doles out.
What’s the difference between a photographer and a forger?
One makes negatives, and the other fakes positives.
What’s the difference between a unicorn and a carrot?
One is a funny beast, and the other is a bunny’s feast.
What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo?
One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.
What’s the difference between a photocopier and the flu?
One makes facsimiles; the other makes sick families.
What’s the difference between a shark and a computer?
One has bytes, the other bits.
What’s the difference between being married and being dead?
Dead men don’t wish they were married.