40 Best Taylor Swift Jokes
Why did Taylor Swift break up with the calendar? It had too many dates.
Why did Taylor Swift go to art class? To learn how to draw a blank space.
What did Taylor Swift learn in medical school? That “Band-Aids don’t fix bullet holes.”
How does Taylor Swift get rid of bugs? She shakes them off.
How does Taylor Swift ask for consent in bed? “Are you ready for it?”
What did Taylor Swift say to the friends she had before she got famous? “I forgot that you existed.”
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What did Taylor Swift say to the math book? “You’ve got too many problems, I just can’t.”
How does Taylor Swift stay fit? By jumping to conclusions.
What did Taylor Swift say to the illusionist? “Wait, so all along there was some invisible string tying you to me?”
What did Taylor Swift say to the mirror? “You’re the only one that gets me.”
What did Taylor Swift say to her mugshot? “You’re just another picture to burn!”
Why did Taylor Swift become an astronaut? She needed more space.
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What’s Taylor Swift’s favorite board game? Ex-opoly.
What did Taylor Swift say to her guitar? “We are never, ever, ever getting back in tune.”
How does Taylor Swift keep warm in the winter? By burning all her old love letters.
How does Taylor Swift celebrate her birthday? By getting older but not wiser.
How does Taylor Swift like her eggs? Scrambled, like her relationships.
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Why did Taylor Swift become a detective? She thought she was so good at finding clues in her ex’s texts.
What did Taylor Swift say after working her first case as a cop? “Long story short, it was the wrong guy.”
How does Taylor Swift order her steak? Rare, because she’s used to underdone relationships.
How did Taylor Swift start her wedding vows? “I’ve got a hundred thrown-out speeches I almost said to you.”
What’s Taylor Swift’s favorite kitchen appliance? A blender, for all her mixed emotions.
Why did Taylor Swift become a sailor? She’s used to navigating choppy waters.
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What did Taylor Swift say to the haunted house? “You think you’re scary? I’ve dated scarier.”
How does Taylor Swift like her tea? Bitter, with a dash of sweet revenge.
How does Taylor Swift like her pancakes? Stacked, like her list of ex-lovers.
What did Taylor Swift say to the artist? “You showed me colors you know I can’t see with anyone else.”
How does Taylor Swift like her marshmallows? Burnt, like her bridges.
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What did Taylor Swift say to the clock? “Can you slow down? I need more time to write another album this year.”
What did Taylor Swift say to the referee after she lost a boxing match? “It’s hard to fight when the fight ain’t fair.”
Why did Taylor Swift become a fisherman? She’s used to catching hooks.
What did Taylor Swift say to the ocean? “You’re deep, but not as deep as my lyrics.”
Why did Taylor Swift become a magician? She’s good at making men disappear.
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What did Taylor Swift say when she tried coaching a kid’s football team? “They might be bigger, but we’re faster and never scared.”
How does Taylor Swift like her drinks? Mixed, like her emotions.
Why is Taylor Swift a natural at skydiving? She knows how to “jump, then fall.”
What did the doctor say to Taylor Swift when he messed up her IV? “Now we got bad blood.”
