The Match Lab

30 Funniest Monday Jokes


Funny Monday Jokes:

What’s the difference between Monday and an elevator? An elevator doesn’t always bring you down.

If each day is a gift, I’d like to know where I can return Mondays.

After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar just says WTF…

Monday is like that person who showed up to your party uninvited. You just keep wondering when they’ll leave.

Mondays are like math problems. Add the irritation, subtract the sleep, multiply the problems, divide the happiness.

Read: 20 Funniest Sunday Jokes

I meet 52 Mondays every year. And yet, I still can’t find one I like.

I wish Monday had a face so I could punch it.

I swear when I hear someone say “Happy Monday.” I feel like I’m in a wrong universe.

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.

If Monday was a person, it would be the one who double-dips the chips at a party.

Read: 25 Best Tuesday Jokes

What’s the difference between Monday and a graveyard? A graveyard feels less depressing.

Monday should be optional, like choosing whether to accept a friend request.

If Monday was a person, it would constantly ask you to hang out, and you’d constantly make excuses to avoid it.

Monday’s favorite kind of music? Blues.

If Monday had an online dating profile, it would still be single.

Read: 20 Best Thursday Jokes

Monday is like a leftover fish – it stinks, and no one is excited about it.

Why did Monday become a lawyer? Because it’s so good at making people miserable.

What are Monday’s favorite song lyrics? “Hello darkness, my old friend.”

Monday is the photo bomber of the calendar week.

If Monday had a car, it’d always drive under the speed limit in the fast lane.

Why did Monday join the circus? Because its whole existence is a juggling act.

Look on the bright side… at least Mondays happen only once a week.

Read: 30 Best Wednesday Jokes

Monday Jokes for Work:

What’s the best way to watch a movie on Monday? By calling in sick.

I’ve added “surviving Monday” to my resume under skills.

Monday is the day my coffee needs a coffee.

If Monday were a person, I’d report them to HR for harassment.

Monday is an excellent day to procrastinate on fixing last Friday’s mistakes.

Read: 175 Rapid Fire Questions for Couples, Employees, & Friends

I don’t think of it as Monday. I think of it as pre-pre-pre-pre-Friday.

Mondays: where coffee is a matter of life and death.

On Mondays, I like my coffee how I like myself: barely functional and bitter.

Can we have a round of applause for surviving another Monday?

Monday’s to-do list: 1. Coffee 2. Coffee 3. More coffee 4. Briefly consider work.

Why do Mondays remind me of a treadmill? They keep going and going, and you never get anywhere.

Read: 52 Dad Joke Pick Up Lines

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