The Match Lab

30 Best Vampire Jokes


Why did the vampire read the newspaper? He heard it had great circulation.

Why did the vampire flunk art class and become a nurse? He could only draw blood.

What’s a vampire’s favorite ice cream flavor? Vein-illa.

What is a vampire’s favorite fruit? Necktarines.

What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit? A blood orange.

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What’s a vampire’s favorite fast food? A guy with very high blood pressure.

What do vampires call mosquitoes? Competition.

What kind of dog does a vampire have? A bloodhound.

Why do vampires always seem sick? Because they’re always coffin.

Why is Robert Pattinson the worst vampire ever. It took him 15 years to figure out how to turn himself into a bat.

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What’s a vampire’s favorite holiday? Fangsgiving.

Why did the vampire join the police force? He wanted to investigate the bloods.

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.

How do vampires start their letters? “Tomb it may concern…”

Why don’t vampires have many friends? Because they are a pain in the neck.

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Why do vampires always carry mouthwash? They have bat breath.

What kind of streets do vampires live on? Dead ends.

What do you get if you cross a vampire and a teacher? Lots of blood tests.

Why did the vampire break up with his girlfriend? She wasn’t his type.

Why do vampires believe everything you tell them? Because they are suckers.

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What do you call a vampire who lives in a kitchen? Count Spatula.

What’s a vampire’s favorite mode of transportation? A blood vessel.

What do you get if you cross Count Dracula with a plumber? A drain in the neck.

What do you get when you cross a vampire with a laptop? Love at first byte.

What type of people do vampires like? Type A, B, or O.

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What’s a vampire’s favorite candy? Suckers.

Why did the vampire write a book? He wanted to sink his teeth into something.

How do you know if a vampire has been in a bakery? All the jelly has been sucked out of the jelly doughnuts.

Why did the vampire always fail his math test? He could only count Draculas.

What’s a vampire’s favorite part of the newspaper? The obituary section.

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