50 Vampire Jokes Worth Sinking Your Teeth Into
Why did the vampire divorce his wife after she took a blood test?
She wasn’t his type.
Why did the vampire flunk art class and become a nurse?
He could only draw blood.
Why did Dracula always read the best-reviewed newspaper?
Someone told him it had good circulation.
Why do vampires always seem sick?
Because they’re always coffin.
What is a vampire’s favorite ice cream flavor?
Vein-illa.
What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
Neck-tarines.
What’s a vampire’s favorite fast food?
A guy with very high blood pressure.
What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A blood orange.
Why did Dracula take cold medicine?
Because he was coffin too much.
What do vampires call mosquitoes?
Competition.
Why don’t vampires attack chickens?
Because chickens have fowl blood.
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What kind of dog does a vampire have?
A bloodhound.
Why did the vampire break up with his girlfriend?
She wasn’t his type.
Why did the vampire always fail his math test?
He could only count Draculas.
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.
Why do vampires always carry mouthwash?
They have bat breath.
What’s a vampire’s favorite mode of transportation?
A blood vessel.
How do vampires start their letters?
“Tomb it may concern…”
Why don’t vampires have many friends?
Because they are a pain in the neck.
What’s a vampire’s favorite part of the newspaper?
The obituary section.
Why did the vampire join the police force?
He wanted to investigate the bloods.
What do you call a vampire who lives in a kitchen?
Count Spatula.
What do you get if you cross a vampire and a teacher?
Lots of blood tests.
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What do you get when you cross a vampire with a laptop?
Love at first byte.
Why did the vampire read the newspaper?
He heard it had great circulation.
What do vampires and false teeth have in common?
They both only come out at night.
What do vampires call their boats?
Blood Vessel.
Why did the vampire write a book?
He wanted to sink his teeth into something.
Why did Superman fail to defeat Dracula?
He could not go to the Krypt Tonight.
What is a vampire’s favorite brand of beer?
Bloodweiser.
What type of people do vampires like?
Type A, B, or O.
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Why do vampires believe everything you tell them?
Because they are suckers.
What do you get if you cross Count Dracula with a plumber?
A drain in the neck.
Why do vampires need mouthwash?
To combat bat breath.
How do you know if a vampire has been in a bakery?
All the jelly has been sucked out of the jelly doughnuts.
What kind of streets do vampires live on?
Dead ends.
Why do vampires frequently drive on the 405 freeway?
Because it’s a main artery!
What’s a vampire’s favorite candy?
Suckers.
What’s a vampire’s favorite holiday?
Fangsgiving.
Why is Robert Pattinson the worst vampire ever?
It took him 15 years to figure out how to turn himself into a bat.
Where do vampires deposit all their money?
The blood bank.
Why did the vampire always fail his math test?
He could only count Draculas.
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Why do vampires refuse to bet on horses?
Because of their inability to handle the stakes.
What do vampires usually call their boats?
Blood Vessel.
Why did Dracula turn over a new leaf?
He wanted to be re-vamped.
Why don’t mosquitoes bite vampires?
As a professional courtesy.
What is a cross-dressing vampire called?
A Dragula.
What did the vampire doctor say to his patient?
You need more iron.
Why did the vampire fail at art?
He was only able to draw blood.
Why are vampires so sociable?
They are always looking for new blood.
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